Friday, April 25, 2008
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
missed connection
dear beloved,
through eyes you jump, winking at me, luring me and making me love you again before leaping off to your next resting place. this time you might be killing me. this time you've lingered so long behind his eyes that I am literally fearing for my life without him. but it's you, I know. and I think that you and he must fight constantly. you want to pulse and surge in his veins, but he is passive, often drunk, and un-excitable.
you lovely dirty piece of shitty perfection, why can't you just settle down? you're dooming me to a life of untested polyamoury. you're making me wonder if I am even capable of loving a human being - so full of contradictions. I simultaneously demand consistency and unceasing change.
now that I've tasted you, I'm afraid that I might have to start believing in god again. no human comes close, nor is ever able to encompass for more than a fleeting moment your expansiveness. you are so fickle about whom you inhabit, and when and why and for how long.
I'm aching for you and wondering if I'll ever be able to recover from this particular loss. this gorgeous man whose eyelashes when I first saw them, long and slender and springy, made me think of my aunt's swimming pool and that diving board dipping terrifyingly close to a deep end I was not sure I could survive. and sure enough here I am frantically reaching for an edge to hold on to, or shallow enough water to get my breath.
give me some space this time okay? I need to catch my breath. I need to catch my breath. I need to stop seeking you out in corporeal form. but of course I will seek you until my death.
I am, after all, yours unerringly,
a.
through eyes you jump, winking at me, luring me and making me love you again before leaping off to your next resting place. this time you might be killing me. this time you've lingered so long behind his eyes that I am literally fearing for my life without him. but it's you, I know. and I think that you and he must fight constantly. you want to pulse and surge in his veins, but he is passive, often drunk, and un-excitable.
you lovely dirty piece of shitty perfection, why can't you just settle down? you're dooming me to a life of untested polyamoury. you're making me wonder if I am even capable of loving a human being - so full of contradictions. I simultaneously demand consistency and unceasing change.
now that I've tasted you, I'm afraid that I might have to start believing in god again. no human comes close, nor is ever able to encompass for more than a fleeting moment your expansiveness. you are so fickle about whom you inhabit, and when and why and for how long.
I'm aching for you and wondering if I'll ever be able to recover from this particular loss. this gorgeous man whose eyelashes when I first saw them, long and slender and springy, made me think of my aunt's swimming pool and that diving board dipping terrifyingly close to a deep end I was not sure I could survive. and sure enough here I am frantically reaching for an edge to hold on to, or shallow enough water to get my breath.
give me some space this time okay? I need to catch my breath. I need to catch my breath. I need to stop seeking you out in corporeal form. but of course I will seek you until my death.
I am, after all, yours unerringly,
a.
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