flowers for rena lee

my friend bill told me about rena lee a few days ago. it caught me like a knife in my belly. i wasn't expecting it, and it hurt, even if i never knew rena lee.

bill keeps telling me that when i see that man of mine that i should grab him and kiss him, tell him i love him. because i don't know when it will be the last time i see him. he says to never walk away angry.

but what if i am angry? what if i'm not the one who forgets how quickly life sweeps us away from each other? what if i keep bringing flowers for rena lee but she won't look at them?

tonight i want to wrap myself into a ball and cry. because galen has cancer, and bia has cancer, and some of my friends hurt so much their insides are curled into hard knots. and outside my window a policeman is chasing a black car. and there is a war i can't stop. and my niece's fat bottom is broken up into a thousand fat folds that i wish i could bite, and my body screams for one of those but i can't have one.

my heart outside me

and there was my heart. right in front of us, perfectly still, and I had nothing to say. i could have taken it back right then, but i wanted you to see it and know why it can't live inside me. turns out you were never so complicated. your hand was limp around my beating, drifting heart and i wanted it back completely. mainly because i sing louder when you let go.

yes. the external heart is a problem. it gets lost easily and i can't feel you stir. it means my love is assumed and glossy. and, i don't really need to get over you. i'll just put you on the shelf next to my mother.